Brisbane, QLD – A particularly candid Campbell Newman has spoken to The Strayan this afternoon, as the Queensland Premier revealed the heroic details of how he single-handedly won World War II and ended the bloodiest conflict in human history.
“I was the guy that stormed the beaches of Normandy and won off Germans in Stalingrad,” Mr Newman noted, adding that the daring escape from Dunkirk which saved countless lives was also part of his overall strategy to restore world order and defeat the Nazis.
“People seem to forget that it was me that took on Rommel across North Africa, led armies to victory in the Battle of the Bulge, and helped save the Rats of Tobruk. It reminds me of when I spoke to the people of England as their Prime Minister, proclaiming that we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets and we shall never surrender.”
“That speech and the scientific progress made with the Manhatten Project are some of Campbell Newman’s greatest achievements, and the sort of wonderful thing you get from Campbell Newman and you will continue to get from Campbell Newman,” Campbell Newman told The Strayan about Campbell Newman.
Members of the public have praised the embattled leader, noting that Queenslanders would be well served to remember how Newman raised the flag at Iwo Jima and led the French Resistance against Petain’s Vichy Government.
At press time, the Queensland Premier was midway through an inner-monologue, deciding whether his journey to the moon aboard Apollo 11 or his Emancipation Proclamation was of greater importance to the world.