New Queensland Legislation Forces Bikies To Gay Marry Each Other
November 02, 2013 Alan Smithee 7 Comments
Brisbane, QLD – In the latest chapter of the Queensland Government’s battle with motorcycle gangs, legislation passed this afternoon stipulates that those who are found guilty of participation in a Bikie Gang will be forced to gay marry each other.
The policy, which has been described as a “crippling blow to the marauding gangs of violent criminals” by those in favour of the legislation, will see male Bikies involuntarily entered into wedlock with other male gang members. “The Queensland people have real fears about these criminal scum [Bikies], and forcing them into homosexual commitments is essentially the worst punishment we can possibly hand out,” Attorney-General Jarrod Bleijie told a crowd of reporters on the steps of Parliament House today.
“Being a man married to another man is like, totally fucking gay. They will hate it.”
These gay marriages are legislated to ensure that Bikies are forced to have and to hold, from the day of punishment forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do them part. “It will haunt them forever, it will follow them forever,” declared Minister Bleijie, who cites his previous governing experience as ‘being an ace’ at SimCity.
This tough legislation follows previous anti-Bikie policy which includes the use of Wiccan curses on Bikie members for ‘one thousand generations’ in the future, and forcibly placing pink tassels on all offender’s motorbikes.
Announcement of the tough new penalty has already divided Queenslanders, with 34% supporting the legislation, 45% believing that homosexuality is too great a punishment for any human being, and 21% of Queenslanders not possessing the necessary literacy to understand and subsequently answer the poll question provided to them.