Navy Tows ABC Back To Indonesian Waters

Controversy has struck the Timor Sea this afternoon, as allegations emerge that the Australian Navy towed the ABC back to Indonesian waters before abandoning the broadcaster at sea.

The ABC, who have attracted recent criticism for their un-Australian reporting of political and social issues in the country, have been expelled via boat from ever returning to the country. “They could have blown the lid on how cute wombats are, or how much of a mad cunt the Prime Minister is,” Tony Abbott told media in Canberra, “but noooo, they had to instead report on our navy allegedly burning asylum seeker hands; they ratted on us.”

“Not cool ABC, not cool at all. This is why you are being kicked out.”

“These shadowy operations like phone hacking and internet hacking are kept secret for one very good reason,” the Prime Minister told The Strayan: “they are really depressing.”

Breaking ABC News: Their boat is breaking up

Tony Abbott proceeded to long for the ‘good old days’ when the government could simply control the media in the country, thereby forcing it to produce a conveyer belt of puff-pieces and propaganda. “People may say that is undemocratic, I say what doesn’t kill you makes you unaware of the systemic issues our country faces. Also it makes us stronger.”

The Strayan takes an unabashed view on this issue against the communist fascists over at the ABC. Australia, which began in 1788 when Jesus descended from the heavens and gave us Andrew Bolt and Keith Urban, is the single greatest nation in the history of the world and is infallible in every way. Our beach tanned youths and adorable animals are only matched by the God-fearing legend that rents out Kirribilli House.

The ABC is grossly negligent to give Australia the benefit of the doubt, and as such its banishment from the Sick Commonwealth of Straya is fully justified.

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